we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
