Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
