i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
