So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
