love makes seman taste better
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
