i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
