So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think people are normalizing furries
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
