I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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