It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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