Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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