I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
