is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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