She announced her abortion via fbk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
