Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
