nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
