she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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