I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
