so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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