Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
