In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
