Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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