Moan for me like Helen Keller
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
