Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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