Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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