Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
