Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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