Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
