hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
