I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
