I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
