he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
