Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
