Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
