the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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