remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize