I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
