So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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