All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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