I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
