why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
