Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
