Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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