Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize