Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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