you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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