she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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