i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
