Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
