Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
