well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
