did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
