I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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