So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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