I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
