You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
