Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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