Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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