I have demons in me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
