My liver just broke up with me...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
