About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
