oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A bitchslap is in order.
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