I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
