Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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