You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
