Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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