I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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