He asked to "fluff my boner.."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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