I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
