***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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