it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
